What if we applied all the love songs, all the passionate longings, all the hopes and dreams that we've had for others to ourselves as well? I know it sounds silly, but what if we gave ourselves the same grace, the same leniency, the same chances that we give to others that we love, - our friends, family, husbands, wives, and kids?
In fact, heck, sometimes we give more grace to a stranger in the market line than we do ourselves.
Have you heard Miley Cyrus's new song? It's called Flowers. and it's all over the internet right now.
I love it by the way. I like the message, I like the music, I like the beat, but more than anything, I wanted to talk to you about what it made me recall.
As I was listening to this song today, I remembered a day when I left work in a chaotic rush. I ran out to my truck and then had to fight traffic across town to get to my therapist's office on time. It was ironic that every time I went to this woman's office, I ended up there a chaotic ball of nerves.By the time I got there, I was probably not in the best frame of mind to calmly, rationally sit and discuss my life.
Anyway, I'm driving that day and instead of listening to a podcast or an audio book, I put on music, probably a playlist on YouTube. I had this sudden revelation as I was listening to the music just mindlessly playing. As I was driving, I realized that most of the pop culture songs that are out there are actually talking about very dysfunctional relationships.
Let's face it, most of the songs are about romantic or sexual relationships, you don't get a ton in there about families and friends although gosh are they important. Maybe a little here and there especially in the country genre, but for the most part, it's wild, romantic, passionate, love that we are chasing out there as a culture and as a society and our music reflects that.
So as I'm listening to these songs, I realize that in many of them it was unrequited love. A person had lost themselves because they didn't have the person that they wanted in their lives. They were rudderless, they were directionless. They were not okay without the other person. It was very codependent kind of love.
They would do anything - turn their lives upside down or become a person that didn't align with who they really were - to get this person, get this person back, or keep this person. Another type of song that I noticed was focused on sex. They were devoid of any real,deep meaning or connection, but primarily about looks and down to business.
Of course, I rushed into my therapist and talked to her about it and we had a great conversation. That was the start of my noticing and once I started, I couldn't stop. I began to notice it more and more and often. I'm not opposed to pop music. I love music actually, but now I hear it with a little bit of a different ear. I can still enjoy the songs, but a lot of times I realize when I hear the words that those are not behaviors that I would like to emulate or even speak into being in my life.
Today I'm thinking - what if we began to notice the messages we surround ourselves with? If you're listening to music, consider - what if you were singing these songs to yourself?
If someone is speaking to the love of their life via music, is trying to get to know someone better, seeking to connect with them, even thinking they are fantastic looking and hot, why can't we begin to think those things about ourselves?
Can we begin to notice the ways that we seek attention from others, that we seek knowledge about others, and that we offer them things - love, time, attention, grace, and service?
Can we turn that kind of love on ourselves?
I'm not saying that whatever relationships we have in our lives aren't important. Of course, they are. If you're married, in a long-term relationship, dating, or you just have family and friends around you, we want to maintain those relationships as well.
But what if we added to it? Romancing ourselves, getting to know what it is we really think, love, and want. Have you ever been dating someone or been in a relationship with them and when you find out what their favorite food is, you can't wait to invite them over for a homecooked meal? You want to provide them a beautiful, peaceful, nurturing, and caring atmosphere and meal.
Let’s get that interested in ourselves. And not just the surfaces interests. Let’s go past the first or second date and find out the really important things.
Do you know what you love and truly desire? What if instead of pushing our own voice to the side, we took the time to notice?
I hope you’ve been hearing that I'm using the word notice a lot. That's my theme for this month. That's what I'm really focusing on. I'm not even concerned about taking action yet. I'm just noticing because the more we notice, the more we can see patterns, and the more we can begin to understand how we're behaving in the world, whether it's in conscious or unconscious ways.
The more we start to notice where we have inconsistencies or incoherence between what our heart really wants and the ways that we are behaving in the world, the better chance we have of addressing them. My call to action for you is to begin to notice all of the ways that you care for others, and then ask yourself, is there a gap?
Am I caring for myself the same way? Do I even understand what it is that I want or what I'm about? What are my true dreams and desires?
I have a free five-day creative challenge going on right now. You are not late. You can start any time.
The reason I bring this up is that writing , diving deeply into what's in your heart, is a perfect way to get started with this habit. It's a way to get to know yourself better, friend.
Take my word for it, the better you know yourself, the more you can succeed at whatever it is you are doing - raising a family, creating a career, running a business, etc.
You will benefit. Let’s do this together.
This is really important. Thank you so much for spending time with me today, and I'll see you in the challenge.
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Who am I?
I’m a systems engineer and creative coach living in ABQ, NM. I believe that we can intentionally design our lives to align with our deepest dreams and desires.