I'd like to talk to you about the difference between separation and cohesion. This is a critical concept because it is behind so many of our feelings of discomfort, pain, and unhappiness.

I’m absolutely certain that we have the power to design our lives, our businesses, our relationships, anything in our lives to align with our deepest dreams and desires - to align with who we really are, deep down. This idea of cohesion, of seeking wholeness and integrity within ourselves, is a throughline connecting all that I do in my personal and professional lives and in my business.

It's always top-of-mind for me yet I bring this up today because there are still times in which I notice a separation.

There are certain realms of my life in which I feel competent and comfortable. I've established a good body of evidence that I belong there, and that I can succeed in that domain area. What I notice is that when I begin something new I feel less certain of myself. I think this is completely natural and sometimes it results in me bringing less of myself or even fragmenting from what I really want, what I really think, or how I really would like to behave in certain situations. This is a lack of alignment or an incohesion. When I am not in alignment, I feel not-quite-right. There is a slightly off vibration within myself that is not resonating.

Sometimes (most of the time) it’s so subtle that I almost can't notice. I can say from experience, that if you stay in this state long enough, the misalignment begins to feel like your default state and you fail to notice it at all. It’s just business as usual.

I'd like to share with you a very simple, easy process that I began to implement in my life several years ago. When I say it, it will sound so simple to you, but I promise you that doing it will shift something in your life.

It will shift your awareness and it will shift your behavior, which then shifts your reality, your actual experience in the world. For much of my life I've struggled with not being able to clearly and deeply connect with how I felt or what I wanted. 

I've spent a lot of time working through that, and one of the things that really helped is this: I began ending my workday differently. I would walk out to the parking lot, hop in my truck, and before I even turned the key, I would ask myself silently or sometimes aloud, how are you feeling right now? Just that one straight forward question. I would just take a moment to notice.

It took a while, but I started noticing when I was holding onto a negative or residual emotion. An important note here - many of the feelings we have are positive but I think we are usually able to connect with our positive emotions much more easily so it's typically the negative ones that I'm working to resolve. That said, noticing the wonderful, beautiful emotions is a marvelous habit to form as well.

When I first began, it was difficult to immediately identify and resolve these things but as I practiced, I realized that the vast majority of my feelings were pretty trivial. They're about some small, inconsequential situation at work. Maybe I was running late or I was not quite prepared. Maybe they stemmed from some interaction that was ambiguous to me but was still on my mind, even though I didn't realize it.

Once I can identify those things, they're mostly resolved. The important concept here is that if you don't stop and intentionally examine these niggling feelings, they continue to reverberate in your mind; they aggregate and build up in your body, which then leads to even more distress, anxiety worry, or fear. When you leave them lurking, they can sneak up on you unexpectedly at any time.

And your body has a difficult time telling the difference between the really important things and the small ones so they can begin to take on more weight and importance than they deserve.

When I'm not aware of these emotions, if I can't look them right in the eye and determine what the origin is, I can't address them.

There are some, every once in a while that are larger - the big biggies. I will realize that I have had an interaction with someone very important in my life that seems unresolved or that I'm not quite happy with.

Maybe I'll even realize that something I've said or done is not aligned with how I want to behave in the world. Those are realizations may take more thought and time to resolve, but once I know what they are, I can begin to work through them.

How to work through them?

There are various approaches to take and they often work together. Acknowledging them is the first step toward processing.

If you need something that's a little more tangible and with more action and closure, you can journal. Use your creative practice to work through your thoughts and feelings, or if it is something that needs to be needs resolved with the person, you can use your creative work to prepare for the conversation and when the time is right, approach that person and have a conversation or apologize, whatever the situation might be.

Using something tangible in the world, moving your pen across the paper, stroking paint onto a board, is a very effective way to tame these invisible, ethereal shadows.
This is about moving in the direction of cohesion. The whole process is about becoming more aligned with who you are, who you want to be, and what your desires and principles are in the world. I believe that many of us (maybe all of us), myself included, go through the world in a slightly fragmented or fractured way.
We're walking through the days slowly losing tiny, tiny pieces of ourselves or pushing them out to a distance because we haven't actually yet learned how to bring them back into unity. It's not a one-time process, of course. It's a continual, ongoing practice and it gets easier as you go.

It's like a muscle, it gets stronger when you practice. Remember that I said I used to come outside to my truck after work and have a little chat with myself? It was intentional, it was awkward, and it was weird. It didn't always bear results, but now, several years later, that process is very automatic in my mind and has been for a long time.

If I have an interaction, let's say at the grocery store, I don't have to go outside and specifically sit in the truck and ask myself how I feel. My mind now understands how to connect those dots, and because I have a regular practice in my life, I have a framework for working through these things.

My practice of choice happens to be a creative practice, and I highly recommend that to everyone, but whatever your mechanism is for processing, for being introspective, for analyzing your life, for setting goals, for holding yourself accountable, whatever that is for you, lean into it.

It's at my studio table, when I work on visual journals, when I paint, when I draw, or when I write poetry, that I find that my life becoming richer and this simple tool I just described contributes greatly.

Today I want to encourage you to consider where your life you have cohesion, where it feels beautiful, true, easy and aligned, or where you may be experiencing separation. If this is the case, no big deal. This happens on a regular basis. It's just part of being alive, being human, learning, and growing.

My dear seeking and dreaming friend, I want to let you know that my 8-week workshop, A Call to Create, is opening the doors again in March. I have had the honor to facilitate this particular workshop several times and each time it's more wonderful and delightful than the last.

I do a lot of things in my life, but this workshop is my favorite. It’s my passion project. This is where my heart is. The reason that I feel so strongly about it is it's about:

• understanding our dreams and desires
• understanding who we are in the world
• appreciating ourselves for exactly who we are right now
• understanding where it is we want to go in the future

We think through practical ways to implement all that we learn, including how to implement a creative practice in your own life. We work on 8 beautiful creative projects, which are each designed to support you throughout the discovery process and beyond.
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In this workshop, we're deeply exploring the very foundations of our lives and we do it hand-in-hand with a beautiful, supportive, and loving community. Creative work is the container to hold it all.

We delve into loads of really inspiring resources and we talk about how we can create ritual and celebration in our lives to support everything that I just talked about.

You can do this on your own - 100% and absolutely.  If that's right for you, I sincerely hope you do. I'll be over here clapping and screaming from the sidelines as I watch your incredible transformation.
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BUT, if you're someone who needs or would enjoy doing this with others, I would like to invite you personally to my next workshop.

In A Call to Create, we're building strong community and we’re designing our future. I promise you that doing this together and in a guided way is magical. There is strength and power in partnership.

If you'd like to know more, head over to my website. I'm currently adding names to the waitlist and very soon, I'll send more info.

When you visit the site, you'll find tons of detail about the workshop including examples of the projects, some of the topics we'll focus on, and tips on determining whether or not the workshop is a good fit for you.

I hope to see you there. I've gotten such positive feedback and I have a number of students eagerly awaiting the next release date.

One final point - if you 've already participated in A Call to Create, this is a reminder that you do not need to register again because all registrants have lifetime access to the workshop materials.

Regardless of whether you decide to join us for the workshop, I encourage each of you to seek cohesion, seek to mend and make whole, look for ways in your life that you can align your actions, your experiences, your days, hours, and minutes with who you are and who you are striving to be.
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If you’d like some support and if you would like to join me on a fantastic adventure, go to the link to learn more or sign-up to be notified when the workshop is ready to launch. I'll welcome you with open arms. xoxoxoxoxo
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PS if you have questions, I'd be happy to answer them. Drop me a line!

I love it by the way. I like the message, I like the music, I like the beat, but more than anything, I wanted to talk to you about what it made me recall.

As I was listening to this song today, I remembered a day when I left work in a chaotic rush. I ran out to my truck and then had to fight traffic across town to get to my therapist's office on time. It was ironic that every time I went to this woman's office, I ended up there a chaotic ball of nerves.By the time I got there, I was probably not in the best frame of mind to calmly, rationally sit and discuss my life.

Anyway, I'm driving that day and instead of listening to a podcast or an audio book, I put on music, probably a  playlist on YouTube. I had this sudden revelation as I was listening to the music just mindlessly playing. As I was driving, I realized that most of the pop culture songs that are out there are actually talking about very dysfunctional relationships.

Let's face it, most of the songs are about romantic or sexual relationships, you don't get a ton in there about families and friends although gosh are they important. Maybe a little here and there  especially in the country genre, but for the most part, it's wild, romantic, passionate, love that we are chasing out there as a culture and as a society and our music reflects that.

So as I'm listening to these songs, I realize that in many of them it was unrequited love. A person had lost themselves because they didn't have the person that they wanted in their lives. They were rudderless, they were directionless. They were not okay without the other person. It was very codependent kind of love.

They would do anything - turn their lives upside down or become a person that didn't align with who they really were - to get this person, get this person back, or keep this person. Another type of  song that I noticed was focused on sex.  They were devoid of any real,deep meaning or connection, but primarily about looks and down to business.

Of course, I rushed into my therapist and talked to her about it and we had a great conversation. That was the start of my noticing and once I started, I couldn't stop.  I began to notice it more and more and often.  I'm not opposed to pop music. I love music actually, but now I hear it with a little bit of a different ear. I can still enjoy the songs, but a lot of times I realize when I hear the words that those are not behaviors that I would like to emulate or even speak into being in my life.

Today I'm thinking -  what if we began to notice the messages we surround ourselves with? If you're listening to music, consider  - what if you were singing these songs to yourself?

If someone is speaking to the love of their life via music, is trying to get to know someone better, seeking to connect with them, even thinking they are fantastic looking and hot, why can't we begin to think those things about ourselves?

Can we begin to notice the ways that we seek attention from others, that we seek knowledge about others, and that we offer them things - love, time, attention, grace, and service?

Can we turn that kind of love on ourselves?

There is so much power in sovereignty over your choices and actively managing your life.

(When I say you, I don't mean YOU, my friend, I mean us, all of us.)

Why does it matter? Because the more you have control over your life, the more options and possibilities you have. You can direct your life onto the trajectory that you most dearly desire.

But how?

The first thing we need to do to gain that control is take a really honest look. Do an analysis, start paying attention and notice when and where you might be giving away that control.
How do we give away control?

In many ways large and small. Operating from habit, obligation, cultural norms, and anything else that causes us to automatically think something, decide something, or do something should be examined. When you begin to identify these areas and make small shifts in your thoughts and behavior, a lot of wonderful things begin to happen.

This paradigm, gaining control over my own life, is actually the big transformation in my life.

If you don't know my story, I won't go into it right now, but I can tell you that well into adulthood, I hadn’t learned this skill. When I did begin exercising control, it was slow. It was a piece-part, fragmented approach because it grows and the momentum builds on itself.

It's not immediate, of course, and you must continue doing it regularly because it's an ongoing process.

The revelation I've had today is that THIS is what I am trying to share with people. That is what I am so passionate and excited about. It's about helping people grab a little bit of that control.

Be aware that a person likely exercises more control in certain areas of their life versus others, and that's because some domains feel safer, or we have more comfort or expertise there.

We may be in a system, let's say at work, where we have more power based on role or experience and so we naturally begin to align with that. But in areas of your life where you haven't practiced this, it’s a huge opportunity.

As you do it, you begin to feel stronger in the world. You feel more capable. You build a body of evidence that in fact, it's okay to agree with something that your family wants you to do, for instance, or maybe change entirely your approach to something, even though this is the way you've always done it, You've changed now. You’re growing.

This may sound elementary to you but I challenge you to implement it. It's transformative and life-changing, take my word for it.

When you do this, you also enact something else very important in your life. You don't stay stuck in indecision, empty rationale, excuses, inertia, intellectual and physical laziness, or blame.

Quick side note: I know that all of the systems in the world - the groups, the communities, etc. - I know they're not fair. They're not and I believe that we can and should fight injustice when it exists. Absolutely. That's not really what I'm talking about today, but I want to acknowledge that is real and true.

On top of that, taking individual responsibility within those systems, this is how we make our lives this beautiful, shining, glittery thing that we want them to be.

So how do we take control over our lives?

We begin to know ourselves. That takes work. We begin to trust ourselves based on evidence and real action. We invest in ourselves. Put in time, energy, and critical thinking. It might even mean investing in a class or some additional learning.

The point is we begin to take some of that power back and we always keep our word to ourselves. The promises you make and the words you say to yourself are just as important as your word might be to a family member, a loved one, or a romantic partner.

This is how we take back our power.

Use whatever method works for you to do this. For me, two things stand out - my creative practice and a very strong support system. Neither of these things came early, easily, or were given to me. I’ve built them intentionally over time.

Our control (or lack thereof) directly impacts our decisions, and our ability to follow through on our commitments to ourselves.

When I think about my vision for 2023, it’s not a to-do list, not a hard-charging, militant approach, but more about who am I becoming and what are the ways that I can support that person that I can see in my vision.

When you find ways to exert more power over all aspects of your personal life, other things start falling in place.

Speaking of the New Year, in the past week, I’ve had the opportunity to lead two 2023 visioning sessions and there is a very special event coming up on the day of New Year's Eve. Leading these gave me incredible insight and helped me to understand this principle at the core of everything we strive to do.
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I’d like to invite you to a unique and exciting event – a  2023 celebration and visioning session in collaboration with Christine Stomp, founder of Badlands Yoga and an absolutely incredible teacher and yogi.

I'm fine. Are you fine? I ask this question because so often I think I'm fine when in reality there's something going on that is related to how I learned to cope and the approaches I use for healing. That's what I want to talk to you about today, healing.
I don’t usually don't talk specifically about my challenges or trauma. There are three reasons for that.

• The first reason is I really respect. privacy, my privacy, the privacy of anyone involved in any of these situations, and the privacy of anyone who may be just sort of collateral damage on the outskirts of a situation.
• The second reason is that I believe that it's important for me personally to inspire and encourage by bringing a positive message as much as possible so unless something difficult or negative brings value, I will not burden others with it. That doesn't mean that I want to be falsely positive all the time, it just means that I'm using discernment and making some choices when I decide what I bring forward and share with others.
• The final reason is because I know all too well how easy it is to get stuck in nursing old wounds. I don't want to be stuck there. I have been there in the past, and so I don't bring these things to the conversation today.

I would like to acknowledge that each of us has trauma of some sort. Some of them are big like blinking neon signs, and some of them are smaller. They're like paper cuts, and over time they aggregate, and they can be just as painful.

Related to that, I would like to offer that even though I acknowledge that some trauma is “bigger” than others, we cannot compare or rank trauma against someone else's or even our own in a previous situation.

The reason for that is that who we are as a person, the baseline that we came into this world with, our genetic makeup, our personality, and some of the ways that we behave are very, very different across the board.

When you add to that the environment in which we grew up, the role models that we had, and the experiences that we've had over time, we show up very differently. One person may not and probably won't respond to a situation in a similar manner as another

Having acknowledged that, when I talk about healing today and over the next three weeks as part of a series, I’ll be exploring three foundational cornerstone practices that have worked for me.

It doesn't mean that they work every time or that I'm ever completely done, but it's a really good place to start. I hope that by offering this, you can take what resonates for you. Use it. tailor it and implement it in a way that fits you and your life. If there are pieces of it that do not work for you, then please just disregard and know that it may work for someone else.

Now that I regularly use these principles, I’m not perfect at dealing with the things that come up, but I am better able to understand my emotions and I'm better able to manage them appropriately. I think that's a really key point- once we can recognize some of our less effective coping mechanisms, we can then strive to make different choices.  

I will reveal to you, and this won't be surprising for people who know me personally, my go-to coping mechanism for dealing with difficult things is shutting down and numbing. I am the oldest and it's an almost unconscious response that I have had in place for as long as I can remember. I am fine all the time unless I really take some time to examine it and look more deeply.

I can make the mistake of thinking that everything is okay when in fact, sometimes it's not. I’ve grown to the place where I know how to recognize when I am sort of checking out and I challenge myself to do a little better.

Have you noticed that the world is full of walking wounded despite all of our technological advances?

The human race is not very good at dealing with our emotional challenges. We struggle mightily with mental health.

The first principle I’d like to offer is: nature heals.

Just getting outside and walking around, just that alone is actually incredibly powerful. Human beings are meant to spend time outdoors. In our current society and the way that our culture works, most of us don't spend a lot of time outdoors.

If you are going through a challenging situation, turn to the simple medicine of the natural world. Just the act of getting outside in nature can reduce stress and elevate your mood. Moving your body really helps.

If you're going through something right now that's difficult or if you're just looking to implement a healthy practice in your life, planning regular time outdoors can be really impactful.

For many of us, because we work in cubicles and at desks, we are not moving our body very much and we're not spending much time outdoors. Getting outside, actually getting sunlight on your face and in your eyes and on your body for a short period of time each day is my go-to healing elixir.

There is a ton of evidence and scientific studies that have proven the effectiveness of being outdoors.

My challenge for you this week: consider just adding a 15 minute walk to your day. If you it helps, maybe choose a podcast or an audio book and listen to that as you are walking. When you come back, notice how your body feels and notice if your mood has changed in any way.

My number one approach to dealing with trauma and facilitating healing is to partner with nature and here are some practical ways to make that happen:

Ways to connect with nature:

• walk in your neighborhood
• become a bird watcher
• start a nature journal
• identify plants
• begin running
• volunteer at a park
• do yardwork
• do yoga outdoors
• have your coffee or a meal outdoors
• go to the park
• read outdoors
  

While you’re outdoors:

• ​listen closely to the sounds
• breathe deeply
• notice how things connect and work together
• look at the very small and the very large
• watch how children enjoy the outdoors
• make it an adventure or scavenger hunt
• make notes later

 

I'm thinking about the concept of craftsmanship.

We live in a world that is largely dominated by instant gratification, and quick, easy solutions. In so many ways, I really appreciate these things, and we are lucky to live in a world of such riches and convenience. I also realize that there is a price to pay for this quick turn approach and it makes me realize that value of craftsmanship.
What is craftmanship? Typically, I think of it as something that is produced by hand. I would expect excellence and an attention to detail. An object of high quality, into which deep care was invested into its creation. When I think about craftsmanship in the context of the work that I do and the art that I teach, I realize that it's incredibly important.
There are two parts to what I teach and advocate. There is the art itself, which is handiwork. There is a tangible outcome and we're making things with our hands. Secondly, there is a mindset and approach that goes along with the act of creation. That latter part is actually the most important to me. When I consider where I would seek to apply deep skill and sustained practice over a long period of time so that I really become familiar with the materials and the process, I realize that that elements of craftsmanship would apply to both parts.
In my artistic practice (it's really just a life approach), I am seeking excellence in and deep knowledge of resilience, transformation, joy, happiness, and peace of mind. I'm practicing sovereignty over my own life, seeking the knowledge and the agency that I can have over my own decisions.
Understanding those concepts and then practicing them and creating artwork that explores and upholds those concepts is how I am operating as a craftsman in this area. It's a process in which I'm seeking deep knowledge and excellence and then applying it.

A craftsman has developed a relationship with the products and process, and is continually working to evolve those relationships. It's an ongoing process.
Learning and leaning in. Tweaking the smallest details. Craftsmanship is incredibly important in today's world, and it's incredibly important to me in the context of the art that I do. The skills that I'm nurturing, refining, and deepening over time are a deep engagement in my own life coupled with tangible ways to express my inner world to myself and to others as I go through my life.
What does excellence look like? For me, excellence means developing a sense of playfulness, experimentation, curiosity, passion, and engagement. If I am fine-tuning my craft, I would slowly and steadily be getting better at it or sinking deeper into it.
I would see an increase of those characteristics I just mentioned. I would notice that I can rest in joy and passion and playfulness more often, and that I know how to get into that state of being more easily. 

I'd like to encourage you to think through your life, and your creative practice if you have one, to consider:

- Where is it that you would like to deepen your skills?

- Where can you add some consistency and repetition in the actions that you take so that over time you are creating a solid foundation and you are moving toward a state of excellence for your particular craft?
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 I'll see you next time. I'm heading to the studio table to practice my craft.

that camping trip
my fiftieth birthday
all those Saturday nights

actually, none of that

hurts more than knowing 
I chose you and kept choosing you 
for far too long

that the first time we sat next to each other
with bbq wings for company
I knew you were smooth glass

cold arms
cardboard heart

the tiniest bird beat its wings
inside my chest
my own clear voice said 
not this one

I stepped forward and took your hand anyway

you were never anything but flat
I should have known 
by the way you washed your car
the way you kissed

that you read headlines, not heartbeats

I, up too late journaling,
steeped in moonlight
dreaming of roses and laughter
wanted so much more than that
and lost myself in hope

​Being creative, taking the time to calm our mind, quiet our nervous system and let our thoughts, our fears, our anxieties, and our joy rise to the surface is something that our busy world doesn't allow on a regular basis for most of us. We're running around, going to jobs, raising families, going to the grocery store, doing so many things in such a short period of time that it results in a sense of urgency in our brains and a fragmentation of our thoughts. I experience this all the time.  My creative practice helps me bring everything down to a level foundation and to hear what it is I really want, what I really think, and what I really need. This is important. This is a skill that will affect how you live your life and how you experience every single day.

This is your precious, beautiful life, friend. This is important because being present, being mindful, and being aware during the moments of your life is really all that we have. This is how we experience moments which add up to a life. A creative practice can help you do that in so many ways. When you have an idea and you translate that to another medium - paper, paint, music, clay - , whatever you choose, that connection between your head, your hands, and your heart is really, really powerful. 

We are a society disconnected from our bodies. This practice of creating of doing something tactile, of bringing something unique and new into the world is a really excellent way of reconnecting that - of hooking back into our physical, spiritual, and intellectual bodies.

This is so, so important and so valuable. Finally, I believe that there is a language, a way to express ourselves in this world, that doesn't easily lend itself to spoken language and creative work can help us to cross a bridge from one side to the can help us to express our feelings in a way that is healthy, safe, and solid.

Once we express our feelings, our and our fears,, then we have something to work with.  They're much easier to handle if we have processed them and placed them somewhere safe onto paper, into a journal, or into a song. Creative practices can help you live a better life by making it a more mindful and aware life.

Here's my challenge for you this week, take a moment to just try it. Don't overcomplicate it. Don't make it a big event. Just sit down and doodle, empty your mind and see what rises to the surface. If you need help getting started I'm here and I love to help people get started. 

​I want you to tell me the stories on your skin
Your first kiss with Chris or Brian or Brenda
The way you once lost your temper over billiards 
And now you’re never sure if you can completely trust yourself

How your pulse flickers in your left wrist then lights up
Like a siren in your ears when you’re excited
Let me feel your dreams

How can a workshop help you to discover your deepest dreams & desires? Fill your life with joy, curiosity, and passion? Establish a regular creative practice?

A workshop can establish the structure for you that you might not get if you are working on your own or just starting out with some of these topics. I teach an eight week workshop entitled A Call to Create (design your life intentionally). In this workshop, we create a safe and exploratory space for all of the participants to sink down and dig deeper into all of these things. To listen for the voice they may have been silencing or tamping down.

Our time together is focused on helping each individual participant achieve their own goals. It's tailored to what you want and what you need. If you feel a pull to dig deeper into your creative practice or to begin one, please know that a creative workshop is a wonderful place to start.

The results of working together in a workshop are finding a sweet sense of courage & calm, establishing comradery and community with others that are like-minded and working through the same process. You don't need experience to start. You do not need fancy supplies. You don't need a ton of time. What you need is a desire to start and a commitment to yourself that you will prioritize this.

It's actually very simple and participating in a workshop can make it even simpler.

A workshop is for you if you sometimes feel stuck in a rut, if you feel like you've done a lot of things in your life, but sometimes you struggle doing things for yourself. Maybe you've be laser-focused on your kids, your family, or other people for a very long time and you'd like to balance that better.

You'd like to come home to yourself.

A workshop is for you if you'd like to implement a practice in your life with proven health and wellness benefits, if you would love to understand more of what you truly desire in life and craft a very targeted plan to get yourself there. A workshop is for you if you just love art and you want to connect with other people and make beautiful projects.

Implementing a regular creative practice in my life has truly changed it so much. - it has transformed my entire life.

Another benefit of being a part of the workshop community a little bit more accountability and the regular cadence of content and events. We meet weekly and we have projects to work on throughout the week - that can help really get that momentum started and create the integral habit that is needed to see transformation and results.
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A workshop is a really great way to get started and feel supported in your effort. If you are interested in trying a creative workshop, I would love to have you in A Call to Create, we will open the doors soon, and I hope to see your beautiful face there.